Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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