Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
