She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
