can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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