Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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