i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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