i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
