You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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