i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
