Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm at about main and main street
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
