so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
