When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
