Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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