you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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