My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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