I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
