apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
