wanna go halves on a baby?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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