she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
