That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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