I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
