So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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