i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
