i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
