I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
