If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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