I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
