And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
