everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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