If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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