I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
