i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
