dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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