I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
pray to the hookup gods
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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