What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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