Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
