My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I am mentally ready for anal.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
