Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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