my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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