Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't turn off my feet"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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