Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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