I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
