I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize