you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
