I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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