I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
