just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
