A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
