There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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