i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
