My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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