I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
