In the future we'll all be gay
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
