You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just blew my weed a kiss
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
