last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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