i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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