and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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