just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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