your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize