So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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