A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
