U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
