I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
