1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it because I queefed?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize