She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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