Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
