Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
