I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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