I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
