Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
