Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
