Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
