She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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