If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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