My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
