She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
