well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
