I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize