listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
