Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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