Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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