I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
