I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
