The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
