just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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