So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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