Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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