i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
