My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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