Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize