You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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