Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
