I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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