Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
