you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
