I CAN MOONWALK!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
